You might ask why I would come back—
But, friend, I am not here to say—
Why I would choose to run this track?
You might ask why I would come back—
Abandon sweet daddy’s stack—
My old man—why wouldn’t I stay?
You might ask why I would come back,
But friend, I am not here to say.
“Horace?—Mr. Goodman?—you said?
You were stammering like you’re cold.”
What do you mean? What is your thread?
“Horace?—Mr. Goodman?—you said?
You’re speaking as though you’re dead.”
I’ve said nothing! This is real old!
“Horace?—Mr. Goodman?—you said?
You were stammering like you’re cold.”
Goddammit, Mr. Writall! Goddamn!
Give me a chance to speak my peace!
“Did you say you felt up my Gram?!”
Goddammit, Mr. Writall! Goddamn!
“Ace, don’t ever speak of my fam
Or my confidence will increase!”
Goddammit, Mr. Writall! Goddamn!
Give me a chance to speak my peace!
“Excuse me—Horace—you shut up!”
But sir, I never said a thing!
I feel this is all a setup!
“Excuse me—Horace—you shut up!”
I will get you and fuck you up!
Yes, Mr. Writall! Bees will sting!
“Excuse me—Horace—you shut up!”
But sir, I never said a thing!
“Listen, gent, you’re in some trouble,
And your words are not helping out.”
I will, lawyer, burst your bubble
“Listen, gent, you’re in some trouble.”
I will not inherit rubble!
My Uncle Goodman’s bank is stout.
“Listen, gent, you’re in some trouble,
And your words are not helping out.”
Wait!—what is it I just said?!
Whatever it was, It’s not true.
“Horace, you’re as pale as the dead!”
Wait!—what is it I just said?!
“You confessed it was about bread—
Dough that is green, not eaten through…”
Wait!—what is it I just said?!
Whatever it was, It’s not true.
“Mr. Goodman, tell me it all.
Don’t hide away a single thing.”
Tell you what?—what?!—Mr. Writall?
“Mr. Goodman, tell me it all.”
You, like my own uncle—will fall!
Dad and I knew just where to bring…
“Mr. Goodman, tell me it all.
Don’t hide away a single thing.”
…we knew where—me and my father—
right to the nut house—no problem…
“You found that to be no bother?”
…we knew where—me and my father—
the money was worth the pother—
and we brought him. ‘Twas real solemn.
…we knew where—me and my father—
right to the nut house—no problem!
Wait!—damn!—that wasn’t my own voice!
I didn’t say those false words!
“Right…Horace…and you had no choice…”
Wait!—damn!—that wasn’t my own voice!
“…but to put uncle in with the birds…
Oh…right…I see, in with the turds.”
Wait!—damn!—that wasn’t my own voice!
I didn’t say those false words!
It is not me, it’s Valentine
The Ventriloquist in my mouth!
“Sure. That guy who retired south…”
It is not me, it’s Valentine
“Are you sure it’s not Clementine?—
Orange you gonna speak, loudmouth?”
It is not me, it’s Valentine
The Ventriloquist in my mouth!
“Your honor, I here rest my case.
I find the defendant unfit.”
But it’s not me! You’re all off base!
“Your honor, I here rest my case.
So let me cut right to the chase…”
I will get away, stupid twit!
“Your honor, I here rest my case.
I find the defendant unfit.
We seek this ruling: insane.
Pad him away; calm down his mind.”
Oh no!—not that!—I’d rather wane…
“We seek this ruling: insane.
Horace needs some help for his brain.”
Screw you! You can’t do this—you’ll find…
“We seek this ruling: insane.
Pad him away; calm down his mind.”
Your honor, please hear me now,
I know nothing of insanity.
“I am the judge and you cannot vow…”
Your honor, please hear me now,
Don’t leave me here a slaughtered cow!
“…when we’ve heard your depravity.”
Your honor, please hear me now,
I know nothing of insanity.
“Therefore, by power placed in me
I confine you to the asylum!”
Oh no—good God!—please hear my plea!
“Therefore, by power placed in me
I proclaim his insanity!”
But sir, I’ve said I deny them!
“Therefore, by power placed in me
I confine you to the asylum!”
POET’S NOTE:
This is the seventh part of Season 2 in my series, Devilishly Dreadful.
For Macabre Monday. Inspired by Henry Cockton’s The Life and Adventures of Valentine Vox the Ventriloquist, this sequence of fourteen triolets reimagines the Victorian tale as a macabre comedy of deception, madness, and the dangerous power of a voice that isn’t always one’s own.
© 2026 Tristan Robert Lange. All rights reserved.
Coming this Spooky Saturday,
on Halloween:
The grand finale of season two of
Devilishly Dreadful: Devil’s Alley; or,
The Last House on the Right
Saturday, October 31, 2026
Now Available
Tristan Robert Lange’s Annabel Lee
A little music to accompany today’s poetry: my new release, Annabel Lee, is out today! 🖤 Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s poem, this eight-and-a-half-minute tone poem is composed by me and performed by Appalachian Virtual Ensemble.
I’d love for you to give it a listen. Best news, though? It’s yours for free! Enjoy!
Now Available
Devilishly Dreadful: A Macabre Monday Series, Season 1 on Vinyl
Perfect spooky Halloween entertainment for age-appropriate family and friends. Recommended for ages 16+
© 2026 Tristan Robert Lange. All rights reserved.
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